The new Digg has launched, and gives us Oregon Trail when it doesn’t work!
Category: Laughing (Page 4 of 6)
Heard this disclaimer as read by Boortz…hilarious! Nineteen seconds of commercial, followed by a lot of disclaimer, followed by another 20 seconds or so of commercial. It may be safer just to keep smoking.
It reminds me of the old SNL Happy Fun Ball commercial:
Kid 1: It’s happy!
Kid 2: It’s fun!
All Three Kids: It’s Happy Fun Ball!
Announcer: Yes, it’s Happy Fun Ball! The toy sensation that’s sweeping the nation! Only $14.95 at participating stores! Get one today!
Warning: Pregnant women, the elderly, and children under 10 should avoid prolonged exposure to Happy Fun Ball.
Caution: Happy Fun Ball may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds.
Happy Fun Ball contains a liquid core, which, if exposed due to rupture, should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at.
Do not use Happy Fun Ball on concrete.
Discontinue use of Happy Fun Ball if any of the following occurs: itching, vertigo, dizziness, tingling in extremities, loss of balance or coordination, slurred speech, temporary blindness, profuse sweating, or heart palpitations.
If Happy Fun Ball begins to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter and cover head.
Happy Fun Ball may stick to certain types of skin.
When not in use, Happy Fun Ball should be returned to its special container and kept under refrigeration. Failure to do so relieves the makers of Happy Fun Ball, Wacky Products Incorporated, and its parent company, Global Chemical Unlimited, of any and all liability.
Ingredients of Happy Fun Ball include an unknown glowing green substance which fell to Earth, presumably from outer space.
Happy Fun Ball has been shipped to our troops in Saudi Arabia and is being dropped by our warplanes on Iraq.
Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.
Happy Fun Ball comes with a lifetime warranty.
Announcer: Happy Fun Ball! Accept no substitutes!
Thanks @raowen. This has spawned all kinds of cool ideas for me.
Like “Cat-Fight Club”.
It’s days like today when I reminisce about all the times I visited the Wal-Mart Super Center in Alcoa. Oh the things I saw and heard..
“Upon getting the cell phone to ‘unlock’ and work properly, the Wal-Mart employee saw a picture on the phone of a female subject that was topless and whose breasts were exposed,” the report said.
At that point, the man who brought the cell phone into the store became “furious about anyone seeing his ‘private pictures’ and demanded that the cell phone be destroyed.”
The employee complied with the man’s request by hitting the cell phone repeatedly with a hammer until it was in several pieces.
…
But at 3:11 p.m., video surveillance at the store recorded the man re-entering the store through the Tire-Lube Express entrance while carrying a plastic bottle containing what appeared to be “a brownish colored substance,” which he allegedly poured onto five laptop computers at the store.
…
The brownish substance was believed to be tobacco spit.
…
The suspect was recorded by video surveillance driving away in a green-colored Pontiac sedan with hubcaps missing from both front tires.
If I could make stuff like this up, I’d be independently wealthy.
I’ve been vaguely aware of all of the hype and discussion going on over the past couple of weeks. The outrage has been hard to ignore, even without having cable TV. But learning that Lebron has joined Kevin Nash and Scott Hall as one of the founding members of the NWO…well, I may have to find a way to watch Dubya See Dubya again on Monday nights for Nitro!
When you’re NWO brother, you’re NWO 4-Life!
Finally, rasslin’ is going to be good again.
The SIL sent me a link to this site which lets you sign up to have your name included on a microchip that will be sent to Mars on a rover.
I sort of assumed that lots of my information and various encrypted passwords were being sent into deep space when the Space Bigfoot is playing jokes by moving the satellites I’m trying to bounce data off of.
Mars Schmars. I’m not giving up on hope that I can aspire to have my name sent to an asteroid. I’m not 100% sure this isn’t a trick by the gov’ment to give our personal information to the Martian overlords.
Selling free food is now known as “entrepreneurial foraging“. It’s for the ubercool only.
When Walmart carries organic frozen dinners and even your neighbor with the Hummer is touting the environmental efficacy and bonus deliciousness of peaches grown within a 50-mile radius of the neighborhood co-op, foraging represents the next link on the food chain of greener-than-thou eating.
This is sort of like charging panhandlers $2 the morning after a kegger to scavenge for yard beers and empty cans for recycling. In my day, we were just happy they were willing to come by and clean up after us. It was a voluntary symbiotic relationship before the Wall Street Fat Cats got involved.
And I didn’t speak up…because I don’t own a truck.
Senate lawmakers in Florida have voted to ban the fake bull testicles that dangle from the trailer hitches of many trucks and cars throughout the state.
No word on whether or not it will remain legal to dangle real bull testicles from a trailer hitch.
I, for one, will not complain. These are the things lawmakers should concern themselves with, because this doesn’t matter. As long as they aren’t raising taxes or making me buy…err..giving me something, I’m ok with it.
The original Iverson press conference was 8 years ago. The remix with Mora, Namath, etc. only makes it more beautiful. HT Tony Bruno.
Facebook has gone from a very private way to communicate with only the people you want to communicate with, to a firehose of information about you and everyone you kinda-sorta know.
@jfloyd pointed out this article earlier today, and it pretty much sums up why I have been changing my relationship with Facebook for a while.
Facebook originally earned its core base of users by offering them simple and powerful controls over their personal information. As Facebook grew larger and became more important, it could have chosen to maintain or improve those controls. Instead, it’s slowly but surely helped itself — and its advertising and business partners — to more and more of its users’ information, while limiting the users’ options to control their own information.
Sorry Facebook. It’s not me, it’s you.
You can expect to continue getting the occasional booty call from me–I’ll let you know when I need something (every time I post), but don’t expect much more. I look forward to your minions Liking my content. In fact, I encourage them to do so. And you can do with that information what you like.
But I really need our relationship to be one sided. As a great man…errrrr golfer…errr playa once said, “You gotta do this for me. Huge. Quickly. Bye.”
**UPDATE**
One of the developers of the World Wide Web, Robert Cailliau, explains in a TechCrunch interview why he isn’t on Facebook: “I can get in, but I can’t get out.”
To go on and earn the pin, Scouts will need to teach adults how to play videogames, participate in a family gaming tournament, and learn how to comparison shop for prices.
My sources tell me that the Scouts plan to announce more new badges later this year, including one for mastery of a deck of Sitcom Character Trading Cards and one for learning to identify 10 different Little Debbie snack cakes in a blind taste test. [/sarcasm]
Classic New Orleans commercial. The only thing that has come close to this commercial since it originally aired are the “Biggest-no-brainer-in-the-history-of-earth” commercials for Lennox Financial. Enjoy this one from Frankie and Johnny.
Neville’s latest, What if Congress Adopted the Agile Manifesto, is truly great.
You can read the whole post at the jump, but here’s my favorite part:
10) Simplicity–the art of maximizing the amount of work not done–is essential.
…I think Congress skipped this step. Oh well, it was the only “essential” step.
I’ve long been an advocate of Congress getting as little “work done” as possible. Congress working means us either paying higher taxes or losing liberties–often times both. If you ever hear your Congressman bragging about how many pieces of legislation he’s had passed, vote that guy out as quickly as possible.
Oh, and if you aren’t familiar with the Agile Manifesto principles for software development, well…why are you still reading this? Click the link.
And you want them to run health care?
How is it that Radio Shack has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a TV cable from them back in 1987, and yet, the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date.
….
I apologize, I’m really pissed off this morning. Between you an’ me, I’ve had enough of this bullshit! You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my address.
Read the whole thing. I LOL’d several times. One for the ages!